Friday, 14 December 2018

Childhood memory

Around 2004 / 2005 my friend was going to see a fortune teller / psychic lady, she asked if I'd go with her because it was out in the countryside. I decided to book myself in as well. I had a lot going on and I'd never had a reading before. I was more interested in / curious about what it would be about. I knew my friend had been to see her a few times and I was slightly worried that she might have been taken advantage off. These readings aren't cheap.

When we go to the house in the middle of no where, we parked in the drive, and my friend shoved me to go in for my reading first. The lady had a porter cabin round the back of her house. Or it might have been a static caravan. I was nervous and a little apprehensive.

Spiritually I'm not really sure what to believe. The logical part of me dismissing it all. But the other side of me thinks something's are real.

I don't want to go into too much detail right now, but recently I've been thinking about one of the things she said that I couldn't figure out. She was right about a few things that have happened. For example she said that I would be given flowers while I was under water..(and a couple of other things related to that) . I thought it was a very odd prediction, thing to say and it's not the generalised thing I would expect any psychic would say.

But in 2012/13, during my end of year degree show I was given a beautiful scented bunch of wild flowers. I didn't think much of it until months later. One afternoon I sudden realised that my most brave piece of work in that show was the image of me under the water in my bath. It's the piece I got my highest marks for. And I remembered what she said, and the other couple of bits. They were all connected to my degree show. When I went to see her it was 6 months or so after I had quit my art & design diploma. It just seems like a huge coincidence or she might have been right.

Anyway. There's been a few other things she said that have connected to things that have happened. Like odd stuff.

One thing that stuck with me was. She said that I done something when I was two or three years old that was a instinctive talent or instinctive understanding I had that I will embark upon at some point in the future. It's always bugged me because when I was that age I was looked after by my aunt or nan while mum done part time cleaning. And I spent the rest of my time with my mum. It was just me and her at that point. I thought, I'm never going to know what it might be, because I'm not close enough to my aunt to have a chat about what kind of kid I was like. And the nature of my mums condition, she wouldn't be able to remember.

But I do have a few memories from when I was that small. My mum remarried when I was 3 &1/2 years old and I have clear memories of living in my mums old house. Where it was just me and her. I remember my bedroom wall paper. I remember the garden, I remember siting behind my mums legs on the sofa watching tv. When she met her new husband, we moved straight into his house.

Today. I was thinking about what video to create next and my journey with photography. I always had my own camera when we went on family holidays. And when I was a teen I would buy single use cameras.

I always thought that maybe someone saw me do something clever or I just couldn't piece that part of her reading into my past. I don't dance or sing or anything. I was a late walker. Today it dawned on me....

I remember sitting on the bottom stair at my mum and my house, I must have been two / three, it was the middle of the day and I was staring at the front door. I was waiting for my mums new bf to arrive. I'd never met him until that point. I sat there, I remember feeling worried... and I started blinking, blinking fast, and I thought, it's ok because if I blink really fast it will just be like a film and it won't be real and he won't stay... so I just sat there blinking, capturing it on the film in my head.

I've never thought it odd. Because it was just my thought pattern.... but today for some reason I suddenly thought, that's a bit odd.... how did I know, I was 2 or 3... how did I know a film was made up of a series of still photographs. How did I really know what a camera was because there's hardly any photos of me at that age and certainly none taken by my mum. In fact I only know of two. I'm pretty sure my mum didn't have a camera. And I didn't get my first camera until I was about 8 and I saw it in a secondhand shop.

And isn't it a full circle that I've recently started putting together series of still images to make videos to document my art processes. And maybe, if the psychic lady was real, maybe that's the thing she was referring to and it's not made sense until now because I've only just started making videos.

I always just took it for granted that my blinking film that day was just a natural thing to do......
But now I really think about it.... it's a bit strange.
Or just little kids get strange ideas and it's just a coincidence. And every 2 /3 year old does something random that they embark on later in life.

What a mystery though.
I'd love to know what others think about it or share their own experiences.

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