Wednesday, 30 January 2019

Do you believe in Angels?

A while ago. Couple of years ago now. I was on holiday, it was during a very difficult period of time in my life. I hadn't planned the holiday. It was a family members idea. And it wasn't too far away from home. They paid for it. It was like I went on autopilot. I packed a few things, got in the car, got out of the car, walked to our accommodation.

We had a 3rd floor huge apartment. We had been booked into a two bedroom, but they had upgraded us without telling us. So we had 3 big bedrooms, a lounge with a kitchen and dining area.

The sofa was facing a floor to ceiling window. I sat down. There was a big grass area, a path, more grass, then a another block of apartments opposite. A ground floor patio window caught my eye. It wasn't very close to us. But I could make out people moving about.

  As my eyes adjusted I saw a lady sat on the sofa, similar build to me, looked like she was watching telly. I got a strange feeling as a gazed at her. I had an overwhelming feeling that I was watching myself. I wasn't. But I could have been.

Once we settled in we left and when into the resort for dinner. I was really struggling emotionally. I was finding being out was difficult. I could have so easily stayed on the sofa. But something in me made me push myself.

As the days went by I saw the woman opposite, always on the sofa, laying on it, sitting on it, sitting on the floor leaning her back against it. I couldn't bare to look. I couldn't not look.

I made myself go out each day, I done things with my family. As each day passed I began to feel stronger. Emotionally my mind cleared.

But our last day or so I knew what I needed to do. And I felt strong enough to do it. It's like everything began to make sense. I had time and space to process my life. Reassess who was in my life. Who was living in my house, hazing my thoughts.

By being lifted out of my environment, by sitting on that sofa and being confronted with, what was, could have been, my mirror image, I was forced to confront who I had become and how I had ended up in the situation I was in. I had time to process and reflect. I was able to begin to make changes.

It was a turning point.

I almost felt a wall of protection form around me and I was happy to allow it. I felt stronger. I had direction.

I drew this in my sketchbook once I got home. 
I done a few other things that I needed to.

Back to my question, do you believe in angels?
I've never linked this experience to angel activity until now. 
Why now? 
At my pre operation assessment, there was a lady in the waiting room. She plonked herself in a chair right in front of me, side on, our knees were almost touching. As I sat there the words 'confronted with myself' drifted into my mind. And I thought to myself, no, confronted with what I once was... 

The woman had a very familiar feeling about her, it was like I was looking back at myself the first time my gallbladder landed me in A&E. when I sat in the waiting room in pain, my chin wobbling and my eyes welled. That trip to A&E was the first time I'd left the house in 2 months and only extreme pain had forced me out. I was on the verge of tears in A&E because I was frightened, I was broken, I had a fear inside my mind, the pain was secondary.....

This woman, the other day, seeing her in the waiting room, it made me realise how far I've come over the past 12 months. How strong I've become, how much happier I am, how much more in control of my life I am now. It was almost a year ago I sat in A&E. and just under two years since seeing the first woman.  

I came away from my assessment knowing that everything is going to be ok. A strange sense of well being. Feeling proud of how I had got my life back on track, and once my gallbladder has gone, I have so much I am going to do. Dreams, ambitions, confidence and plans....

Whether these two women were angels or not, I consider them my angels. 

I am forever grateful. 

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